If she's a ten and together we're a fifteen, does that make me a 5?

When you're with me and you don't think about it, you're happy. I bring out the best in you. You don't know how but in any situation I can put a smile on your face. When we're together, we are non-stop laughing. You doubt me very often and it surprises you every time I exceed your expectations. It amazes you how well I know you in such little time. When I do something that makes you upset, you try so hard to stay mad me but you can't. Somehow I know what to say and do the right thing then everything is okay. You're thinking that with how well things are going, you're afraid that you'll get sick of me soon. You're not sure if how you feel is real or just the first six months of knowing each other. It's easy to get lost in your emotions. It's hard to slow down how you feel. It's like you're falling, sky diving. you've let go and you try to slow down how fast you fall and you try to change the direction but no matter how hard you try, you can't stop it. It's a scary feeling and you can never be too confident. I can't tell you not to be scared because I'm scared too. As hard as it may be for you to believe, everything I listed is how I feel too. We happen to be falling, we're both a little scared, we both have our doubts, but we're doing it together. We'll never know if what we're doing is right but it's reassuring to know that we're happy. That's what it all comes down to. We're happy together and that's what makes us a 15.

#1 On The Monthly Matrix... Again.

It's good to know your own personal strengths and weaknesses. Not a lot of people come to the realize what they're good at in their entire life. To me, I think that's a waste. This quote I read in a book said, "Every person I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from them" -Emerson. What this quote means to me is that every one that I have ever come across can teach me something to make myself better. People come in all shapes and sizes and if you can't look past who they are on the outside, you'll never find their greatness on the inside.

My entire life I always knew that I am good at being personable, being a good friend, being pretty convincing and hardworking. I never thought it would all come together and pay off in the past few months I've been at the airport. Comparing my numbers to several other people on the current and past matrices, I am rather impressed with what I had accomplished. With that said, it did not come easy. People that watched me climb to the top as fast as I did must have thought it just came naturally. 

Let me reassure you, it sure as hell did not. 

The past three months I have been living, eating, breathing the next sale. It's funny to think about how I got to where I am now. The truth be told. Everything that has been preached to me before has become reality. "You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to", "Winning is a mental state of mind", and "Just do it." It's all true. If it is something you truly want, it will happen. I promise you.

I will remember this feeling, I will achieve it again, I am proud.

"You're like Jordans on Saturday, I gotta have you and I cannot wait"

Girls are like a great pair of shoes. The best ones are always so hard to get but if you really like them, you're willing to wait in the dark and cold all night for them. There isn't really a price that you aren't willing to pay for your favorite pair. When you finally get them, you'll do everything to take care of them that way you can keep them forever. When you get to wear them out, you feel like a million bucks and you just want to show them off. If someone says they're ugly or doesn't like them, as hard as you try, you're always a little offended.  In the end, you know that it doesn't really matter what other people think. What really matters is how they make you feel cause you're the one that's with them everyday. 

"But, the grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it"

Every time I'm single, it sucks. I really don't enjoy being single but with the bad always comes the good. From my experience this time, I think it's really important for people to take time and reflect on themselves. When you're in a relationship, you get so caught up in constantly worrying about what the other person thinks and you never have enough time for yourself. When you are single, you only have yourself to worry about.

It's definitely refreshing. This time I am really starting to understand who I am. Learning from previous relationships is important. I'm learning how to take care of myself and define my own interests. In my eyes, this is not a time to be wasted. The next person that deserves the commitment I make in a relationship has to be a ten. No nines, no eights, none of that. I'm coming to an age where dating shouldn't be taken lightly.

It's funny how that works though. In high school, everyone says they don't want to date because it will never last. In college, many people date but most relationships don't work out. Post college, this is where there isn't anything holding us back anymore. You are allowed to be whoever you wish to be. You have the freedom to pick how to live your life.

I'm not saying that the next person I end up in a relationship with is someone I marry but I really hope so. With that said, maybe that is why I'm not enjoying some parts of my single life. I feel like it's a struggle to find someone worth my time. My time right now isn't for my fraternity, it isn't for a girl, it isn't for school. My time right now is for me and only me. My time right now is for hip hop classes and workshops. It is for working towards getting my motorcycle license and my own bike. My time right now is for getting better at dealing with customers and situations at work to become a manger one day. My time right now is for reading books that will better myself in all aspects of life. My time right now is learning to be responsible and self accountable.

I'll tell you in advance, Miss Right, I'm looking for you to not take over my life as I know it. I'm looking for you to add to my life. I want you to be another great thing on the list I already have. It might be asking for a lot but I promise you I have a lot to give. If you think you are capable of doing that, I will make you the happiest girl alive. I will continue to do that and never question if there's any other girl out there for me but you.

My Best Advice For The Age 20-Something

        I remember being really sad when I first graduated high school. Everything that I had known until that point in time was about to all change. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. All my friends were leaving for college and I thought I would have a hard time being as happy as I was young, wild, and free with every one that I had known my whole life. As fast as a blink of an eye, college came and gone. From my memory, my insecurities and worries about what college was suppose to be like dissipated really fast. At the time, it felt like eternity. College took me by a storm and it was great. Upon college graduation, those worries came rushing in and my insecurities got the best of me again.

Now that I’m nearly four months into the real world, working full-time, everything is starting to look a lot clearer. Opening my eyes to everything, I do see that a lot of my friends are either still in school, figuring out what they want to do and looking for a job, or working a job they aren’t too proud of. Select few are happy with where they ended up but for the most part, just from what I hear, everyone seems a little bit unhappy. I hate it. I’ve been itching to write this post to give everyone a little reassurance that whatever it is you are doing, it is okay and from here things just get better. We put a lot of expectations on ourselves and that is only going to bring us down. For the most part, our parents are the ones that are fueling this mentality and I don’t blame them for imposing what they know as the truth. I mean what else do we have to compare it to?

            The real truth is that every generation is different. This generation, we’re living in a piss poor economy and divorce rates are higher than ever. What that means is that it is okay that you’re having trouble finding a job. It is okay that you’re taking a little bit longer than expected to finish college. It is okay that you’re a girl turning 25 and still single. The more we force upon ourselves to be where we think we should be, the harder it is to attain these unrealistic goals.
Relieve yourself of all this pressure nonsense and take your time to do what you want to do. The longer you spend thinking about where you want to take your career, when you figure it out, everything  will feel like second nature. Your days at work will go by much faster. The longer you spend looking for someone to settle down with, the less likely you’ll end up in the 50% of the unhappily divorced population.

            Just keep in mind that every chapter of your life, there is always something new and great that will be offered. You just have to take your time to find your place and figure what it is that makes you happy. High school was amazing, college was amazing, and the rest of your life is going to be the same. Now with modern medicine, we all have a little bit more time too.
Before you know it, you'll be happily married, making six figures, and will have tons of vacation days racked up. Everything will make sense and you'll understand the full extent of your purpose in life. This is an ideal goal and very attainable. I promise you that once you get there, you'll wish you had more age 20-something days left to live. Just remember that we are also brought up in a generation where yolo is the motto. Don't forget it because you really only do live once.

I haven't blogged in more than a year and now I return. Looking and reading all these past posts, I see a lot of personal growth in myself. I have come a long way from 2010 to 2011. What brought me back to typing out my feelings onto a computer screen for people to read was that I've come to a realization that I want to be better than I am.

I've come to a point in my life where I can say "Hey I like where I'm at and I'll be comfortable here" but to be honest... that's not me. I've spent the past year thinking about blogging and I realized that I've ran away from the unsatisfied problems I face. I need to write how I feel to feel what it is that I need to feel.

I want to tell myself that I want and need to strive for a better tomorrow. Better in everything. Relationships, family, school, hobbies, health..... it's all there.

Don't ever lose the fight

We could do it real big, bigger than you ever done it.