If she's a ten and together we're a fifteen, does that make me a 5?

When you're with me and you don't think about it, you're happy. I bring out the best in you. You don't know how but in any situation I can put a smile on your face. When we're together, we are non-stop laughing. You doubt me very often and it surprises you every time I exceed your expectations. It amazes you how well I know you in such little time. When I do something that makes you upset, you try so hard to stay mad me but you can't. Somehow I know what to say and do the right thing then everything is okay. You're thinking that with how well things are going, you're afraid that you'll get sick of me soon. You're not sure if how you feel is real or just the first six months of knowing each other. It's easy to get lost in your emotions. It's hard to slow down how you feel. It's like you're falling, sky diving. you've let go and you try to slow down how fast you fall and you try to change the direction but no matter how hard you try, you can't stop it. It's a scary feeling and you can never be too confident. I can't tell you not to be scared because I'm scared too. As hard as it may be for you to believe, everything I listed is how I feel too. We happen to be falling, we're both a little scared, we both have our doubts, but we're doing it together. We'll never know if what we're doing is right but it's reassuring to know that we're happy. That's what it all comes down to. We're happy together and that's what makes us a 15.

#1 On The Monthly Matrix... Again.

It's good to know your own personal strengths and weaknesses. Not a lot of people come to the realize what they're good at in their entire life. To me, I think that's a waste. This quote I read in a book said, "Every person I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from them" -Emerson. What this quote means to me is that every one that I have ever come across can teach me something to make myself better. People come in all shapes and sizes and if you can't look past who they are on the outside, you'll never find their greatness on the inside.

My entire life I always knew that I am good at being personable, being a good friend, being pretty convincing and hardworking. I never thought it would all come together and pay off in the past few months I've been at the airport. Comparing my numbers to several other people on the current and past matrices, I am rather impressed with what I had accomplished. With that said, it did not come easy. People that watched me climb to the top as fast as I did must have thought it just came naturally. 

Let me reassure you, it sure as hell did not. 

The past three months I have been living, eating, breathing the next sale. It's funny to think about how I got to where I am now. The truth be told. Everything that has been preached to me before has become reality. "You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to", "Winning is a mental state of mind", and "Just do it." It's all true. If it is something you truly want, it will happen. I promise you.

I will remember this feeling, I will achieve it again, I am proud.

"You're like Jordans on Saturday, I gotta have you and I cannot wait"

Girls are like a great pair of shoes. The best ones are always so hard to get but if you really like them, you're willing to wait in the dark and cold all night for them. There isn't really a price that you aren't willing to pay for your favorite pair. When you finally get them, you'll do everything to take care of them that way you can keep them forever. When you get to wear them out, you feel like a million bucks and you just want to show them off. If someone says they're ugly or doesn't like them, as hard as you try, you're always a little offended.  In the end, you know that it doesn't really matter what other people think. What really matters is how they make you feel cause you're the one that's with them everyday. 

"But, the grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it"

Every time I'm single, it sucks. I really don't enjoy being single but with the bad always comes the good. From my experience this time, I think it's really important for people to take time and reflect on themselves. When you're in a relationship, you get so caught up in constantly worrying about what the other person thinks and you never have enough time for yourself. When you are single, you only have yourself to worry about.

It's definitely refreshing. This time I am really starting to understand who I am. Learning from previous relationships is important. I'm learning how to take care of myself and define my own interests. In my eyes, this is not a time to be wasted. The next person that deserves the commitment I make in a relationship has to be a ten. No nines, no eights, none of that. I'm coming to an age where dating shouldn't be taken lightly.

It's funny how that works though. In high school, everyone says they don't want to date because it will never last. In college, many people date but most relationships don't work out. Post college, this is where there isn't anything holding us back anymore. You are allowed to be whoever you wish to be. You have the freedom to pick how to live your life.

I'm not saying that the next person I end up in a relationship with is someone I marry but I really hope so. With that said, maybe that is why I'm not enjoying some parts of my single life. I feel like it's a struggle to find someone worth my time. My time right now isn't for my fraternity, it isn't for a girl, it isn't for school. My time right now is for me and only me. My time right now is for hip hop classes and workshops. It is for working towards getting my motorcycle license and my own bike. My time right now is for getting better at dealing with customers and situations at work to become a manger one day. My time right now is for reading books that will better myself in all aspects of life. My time right now is learning to be responsible and self accountable.

I'll tell you in advance, Miss Right, I'm looking for you to not take over my life as I know it. I'm looking for you to add to my life. I want you to be another great thing on the list I already have. It might be asking for a lot but I promise you I have a lot to give. If you think you are capable of doing that, I will make you the happiest girl alive. I will continue to do that and never question if there's any other girl out there for me but you.

My Best Advice For The Age 20-Something

        I remember being really sad when I first graduated high school. Everything that I had known until that point in time was about to all change. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. All my friends were leaving for college and I thought I would have a hard time being as happy as I was young, wild, and free with every one that I had known my whole life. As fast as a blink of an eye, college came and gone. From my memory, my insecurities and worries about what college was suppose to be like dissipated really fast. At the time, it felt like eternity. College took me by a storm and it was great. Upon college graduation, those worries came rushing in and my insecurities got the best of me again.

Now that I’m nearly four months into the real world, working full-time, everything is starting to look a lot clearer. Opening my eyes to everything, I do see that a lot of my friends are either still in school, figuring out what they want to do and looking for a job, or working a job they aren’t too proud of. Select few are happy with where they ended up but for the most part, just from what I hear, everyone seems a little bit unhappy. I hate it. I’ve been itching to write this post to give everyone a little reassurance that whatever it is you are doing, it is okay and from here things just get better. We put a lot of expectations on ourselves and that is only going to bring us down. For the most part, our parents are the ones that are fueling this mentality and I don’t blame them for imposing what they know as the truth. I mean what else do we have to compare it to?

            The real truth is that every generation is different. This generation, we’re living in a piss poor economy and divorce rates are higher than ever. What that means is that it is okay that you’re having trouble finding a job. It is okay that you’re taking a little bit longer than expected to finish college. It is okay that you’re a girl turning 25 and still single. The more we force upon ourselves to be where we think we should be, the harder it is to attain these unrealistic goals.
Relieve yourself of all this pressure nonsense and take your time to do what you want to do. The longer you spend thinking about where you want to take your career, when you figure it out, everything  will feel like second nature. Your days at work will go by much faster. The longer you spend looking for someone to settle down with, the less likely you’ll end up in the 50% of the unhappily divorced population.

            Just keep in mind that every chapter of your life, there is always something new and great that will be offered. You just have to take your time to find your place and figure what it is that makes you happy. High school was amazing, college was amazing, and the rest of your life is going to be the same. Now with modern medicine, we all have a little bit more time too.
Before you know it, you'll be happily married, making six figures, and will have tons of vacation days racked up. Everything will make sense and you'll understand the full extent of your purpose in life. This is an ideal goal and very attainable. I promise you that once you get there, you'll wish you had more age 20-something days left to live. Just remember that we are also brought up in a generation where yolo is the motto. Don't forget it because you really only do live once.

I haven't blogged in more than a year and now I return. Looking and reading all these past posts, I see a lot of personal growth in myself. I have come a long way from 2010 to 2011. What brought me back to typing out my feelings onto a computer screen for people to read was that I've come to a realization that I want to be better than I am.

I've come to a point in my life where I can say "Hey I like where I'm at and I'll be comfortable here" but to be honest... that's not me. I've spent the past year thinking about blogging and I realized that I've ran away from the unsatisfied problems I face. I need to write how I feel to feel what it is that I need to feel.

I want to tell myself that I want and need to strive for a better tomorrow. Better in everything. Relationships, family, school, hobbies, health..... it's all there.

Don't ever lose the fight

We could do it real big, bigger than you ever done it.

"its you and me against the world"

when it comes down to it, I know for a fact that I'm a dreamer. I love watching movies. Somehow believe that maybe one day I can look back at my own life thinking that I was the star of my own feature film. I'd be the main character for the story of my life. idealistically, you'd be the love interest.

a girl that tries so hard to not believe it but deep down inside knows that she wants to be the princess in her own fairytale. hoping one day prince charming will come and take her away.

a guy that'd give her a box of your favorite chocolates and roses for valentine's day. tell you he loves you and how your the only one for me. knowing exactly what to say and when to say it for you to smile the way you do.

realistically I wish I could be prince charming but I am not in the fairytale of your life. you'll continue in the story of my life as being just my dream girl.

There's a million people in the world, the chances of me just getting a glance at someone and never seeing them again in my life is really probable. What I find crazy is when I get a glance at someone and somehow I meet them later down the line. Little miracles like this have happened. I can't believe it myself. Maybe some friends, significant others, best friends are just meant to be. I like that thought.

I'm still fly, I'm sky high

My blogs lately have been cupcake-y as fuck. I bet whoever reads it asks the same question I ask myself, whats getting at me? I spent a great amount of time thinking about this and the truth is....


I've been single for the past two years and that has got to be the longest time ever. It doesn't bother me because I wanted this, I wanted to prove to myself that I can be my own person and I don't need a girl to be happy.

What really does bother me though is when I watch all my friends with their girlfriends or boyfriends. Smiling at each other, holding hands, talking on the for phone hours (still feeling as if its not enough time), and ALL that cupcake shit.

Proving to myself that I can be happy single led me to learn something new about myself. I look at my friends with their significant others and I look at the guys that can get any girl they want. If I had to choose, I'd rather be with just one girl.

I could care less about bragging about all the girls I've slept with. Its just not me. I miss having that one person I can call at any hour of the night and just vent about how much I miss her. But missing the feeling isn't enough.

For me, to grab any girl and pretend like I have those kinds of feelings for her doesn't work. In a relationship, I don't think with my head... I think with my heart. My emotions are the catalysts of my decisions. It leads to good and bad but its sincere. The sincerity makes the what feels like a lot of effort in a fake relationship feel like nothing.

I've been looking but its not happening. Maybe I'm more careful and clear cut about what I'm looking for, I haven't met the right girl Maybe I'm not in the mental mindset for a relationship. Whatever it is, its killing me but I know that once I get over this feeling of being incomplete.. I'll find someone. That's usually how it works right?

(Revised from previous post for my transfer essay)

From my transitional summer from high school to college, I've learned something about life. Life is a lot like Poker, Texas Hold’em. Everyone is dealt a hand. Some people are dealt good hands, some bad, some just okay. The thing is that no matter what’s on the line, anyone can walk away with the winnings. The person that has to bluff his way through it the entire game to win still has a shot. Not saying that people should lie their way through life, if that's what you're thinking. Some people just don't understand the art of bluffing.

Bluffing is pretending you have something you don't or pretending you don't have something as good as you do. It’s not lying, it’s like flirting. The lie is mutual, everyone assumes you are lying. Bluffing also requires you to convince yourself that you know what your opponent has in his hand and whatever you have is always better. This takes skill. It requires you to sometimes even forget the rules of the game and take a risk.

Bluffing in life, you have to forget the rules sometimes and risk it by going all in. It is not a big deal to lose it all because leaving with half filled pockets and wondering what would have happened is a lot worse than leaving with empty pockets, knowing there is nothing you could have done but at least you tried. Personally, I'd rather walk away from a table with all or nothing. When I walk away with nothing, it would actually feel like I’m walking away with everything. I’m a superhero when I risk it all. No one can touch me because I am someone that has risked it all and not many people can say they have.

In the game of life, I feel I'm dealt a jack and ten of spades. On the flop there is the ace of spades, jack of hearts, and eight of diamonds. The possibility of me hitting a flush is still possible and I already have hit the jack. In order to have the best hand by the time all the cards are on the table, I'd say I have a good forty percent chance. Even if I don't have the winning hand by then, the pot can still be mine and that is all I need to know to live an exciting, adventurous, and fun life. Anything is possible. I live a life full of the risks I take, the winnings and the loss. People say life isn't about luck or the cards I am dealt. I say it is how I play my hand and just a little bit of luck.

David Rush - Shooting Star

After high school, life got pretty fuckin real for me. Back then I felt everyone around me was at the same point in their lives. We were young and didn't have to worry about growing up. Now things are starting to get a little more complicated. I watch as people, the same age, begin to drift apart from the stages in their lives. I'm not sure if this is as apparent to everyone else my age but its definitely daunting on me.

Its so easy to be living in the moment and have fun. Its so easy to fall into the vicious cycle that I dont want anything to be a part of. When I get to look back on college, I want to say... those were one of the best days of my life. At the same time, I know there will be fun times after college.

I want to experience ALL that life has to offer. High school was a rough road, but that stage in my life is over. As much as I miss it, gotta keep up with the times. As scary as it is to think about, I'm taking on college now. Life isn't as easy as they were where I was just going through the motions. I have to keep on top of my priorities, constantly remind myself where I'm at and where I'm trying to go. Never forgetting that the fun is more rewarding when I put in the hardwork.

i'm not a lazy person. don't stop and fuckin chill. Stay HUNGRY.

In the past month or two, ive written tons of blog posts and either gotten too tired or i would get sidetracked on what else i was doing. i love and miss writing. blogging is something important to me.

here it goes.

somethings, if not everything, you wish for just dont come true.

everytime a shooting star or another birthday passes me and i get to blow out candles, i make a wish. its not habit that has driven me but me and my hopeful thinking that a wish will come true. as much as i want to continue to believe this... wishes just dont come true. nothing has shown me otherwise.

i hate sounding like a downer or a "negative nancy" but the truth is our lives are a product not of what we have dreamt of. almost everyday of my life... i pictured myself happier. yet i feel this very mindset is why im here today. without this disappointing dynamic in life, i would lack the drive.

i was convinced that happiness is where you dream to be. false, happiness is reality. the only reason why you cant dream of what is in store for you in the future is because it's not something you can create with just your mind. reality is created by everything that is you. just yourself.

You spend your whole life thinking the grass is greener on the other side. When youre young, you cant wait to get older and experience what life has to offer. The older you get, the younger you want to be. When it comes to time, you always want to be somewhere youre not... I say enjoy the moment while it last. Very few of us live in present tense but the times where we are completely here, at this point in time, we're fuckin happy.

Sophomore year... lezzz do it

its fuckin 3:22am and i'm still up. i tried laying in bed... didn't work. just to be straight, when you got a girl on your mind its hard to sleep. girl gtfo my head so i can get some rest for my eyes!

on a side note:



I don't know how many girls in the world wore a pair of sneakers... nikes or chucks or whatever it may be to prom but for those who did, you are sexy. haha you can call it a fuckin fetish or whatever you want but a girl in a dress with a pair of sneakers rocks any nurse or secretary costume any day. nothing puts a smile on my face more than when i see pictures from prom with shawty rockin them sneakers. you are awesome.

There's a lot of things I would enjoy bloggin about at this moment but I'll rain check it for you guys since I just gotta say one thing.

Something about this moment in time, right now, for me that I'm really liking. I'm content and happy with my life. Its a time in my life I don't want to end but like they say about when you hit rock bottom... there's only way to go, up. For me... I've skyrocketed and you know how it is, you can only shoot up for so long before you start falling back down again.

So here's a post for right now. In future times of wack ass shit and bad times, I'll look back and read this post and remember that these are moments I live for. If it weren't for the bad times, the good times wouldn't feel this good. Thanks for all of this, I appreciate every single detail.

Back To Basics

Relationships are tricky. When you're young and don't know jack shit, you unconditionally love aimlessly. Ridiculous as it sounds. The funny part though is that you somehow, without changing a single pattern for what you do, land yourself into a relationship. Lucky? I don't think so. That's just how its done.

I wouldn't say I'm old or that experienced with relationships but I've had my fair share. The older I got, the worse it got or it just seems more complicated. I have these tendencies to figure out and do things I should be doing. Like a robot lover or some shit. Pretty pathetic, I already know.

With these new habits, I kept putting myself in situations I didn't want to be in. I felt more lost than I did for my first crush. Its not a fun place to be. Then I asked other people for advice. "What the FUCK am I doing wrong?" "Is this fucking natural?" (That's what she said.) "OMFG! I'm dying alone."

Then I asked a really close friend of mine that gave me the best advice in the world. "It shouldn't be this hard. Everything should feel natural." Those two sentences clicked every piece of shit scatter puzzle piece in my brain together right there and then. Instead of being fucking mature and learning from everything I've been through, I should just not think too much about it and let my four chamber organ take the reigns.

Thanks for the advice, Big Rich. Good luck to me errr one.

My brother's girlfriend was part of the Cherry Blossom Festival in San Francisco a few weeks back. Cherry Blossom Festival is this competition between girls that compete to be the queen, which is basically a really cool Japanese-American girl. Its like an Asian Miss America thing.

After watching my brother's girlfriend on stage, we decided to go to this really good sushi restaurant down the street. It was an awesome meal. One of the best quality sushi I've ever had. It better be though because it was so fucking expensive. A roll was between $15-20/each, and we had like at least 10x plus beverages.

As I'm sitting on the toilet that night, I got up and looked down. There goes at least $100.

As a freshman in college, people expect you to be mature. You're 18 years old, living on your own. This may be a big step. Little do you know... the childhood still resides inside of you. Here's a funny observation I've made in college.

My professor is a freakin doofus, he tries to make the dumbest jokes but hes not funny and no one laughs. This is how my last lecture played out..

*Professor makes a stupid joke*
*No Laughter*
Professor: "If you take this atom and this other shit...."
"LOL!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!"
Me: "What'd he say?"
Person Next to Me: "HE SWORE! omg, so funny."


College students. Love it.

"More than anything, I wish I can be there with you."

I remember this summer was suppose to be the least academically stressful for me, and it was. Although this was the case, I had a lot of other things that stressed me out. I don't really want to go into detail about the things that stressed me out because ultimately when you talk about something too much, it makes it a bigger deal than it really is.

As these little things dwelled in the back of my head as I was doing all these exciting things during the summer, I saw genuine smiles on the faces of my friends. I dealt with it and eventually college came where things are playing out very nicely for me. I'm really enjoying my time here and I'm taking my time to be thankful for what I got.

I know that even though I'm having a great time with my life, that's not the case for everyone. This post is dedicated to those people that are not having an easy time right now in their lives. Keep your chin up. Don't run and hide. Stand up to those challenges in your face. We all go through the ups and downs. When things get really bad, just remember, the good things that lie ahead will be that much better.