The end, the beginning...

So high school is over. Everyone tries their best to think about all the good times but inevitably, you think about what you regret. The biggest thing I regret about high school is that I was a big pussy. The one thing that didn't allow me to make the best of my time in high school is the fact that I was too scared to take what I want.

I was too scared at races, so I choked all the time. I was too scared to go for wrestling/football, "I'm too small to play so I'll just play hockey cause I can at least skate", I was too scared to take Art 1 as a freshmen cause I mightve gotten a B in an elective and took it senior year instead... surprise surprise.. i shoulda been in art4 by now, I was too scared of what people thought of me, i was too scared of everything and it held me back from being who I am. I try to be loud and confident to hide away my lack of self-confidence.

Here's my chance to be myself and take on life balls out. I quit track, I'm done with high school.

Raw.

Graduation: Up and Coming

We are about to experience the whole world and what it has to offer. A world beyond Monta Vista. What we take with us on the journey that lies ahead is our experiences and memories we shared. The challenge we have yet to face is making a world out of the new world we step into and the world we step out of.

So my parents bought a new house in Los Gatos and we don't get to move in till july since the people that own it dont leave till then but my apartment contract is up in june due to my parent's excellent planning. rofl. anyway I have to live with my brother from now till then.

Moving into my brothers place i had to bring my turtle with me. I hadn't seen my turtle in so long cause we kept it in such a very discrete place in my apartment that I completely forgot I even have a turtle It's sitting next to me here in the living room right now.

After forgetting about my turtle for a while I realized that since I'm graduating soon... there are a few of my friends, like my turtle, that I forgot about. This year, being senior year and all, I made a conscious effort to try and talk to these people but I can't. Our conversations remain at a mere shallow level of intimacy. Its so sad because these are the people I grew up with and grew to love so much. I guess its because of my immature ways in the past that imprinted a bad impression of myself in their minds. If I hadn't worried about what others thought of me and enjoyed my time spent with my friends, then things maybe would have turned out differently.

I wish that maybe one day they'll forgive and maybe forget someday. What I hope for the most is that I'll get an opportunity in the future to rekindle these irreplaceable relationships.

Till then... college is my new opportunity to start over new and not make the same mistakes I had made in my past.

Unrequited Love

Unrequited (Adj) - Not returned or reciprocated

Some say "the worst kind of love is unrequited love", I disagree. I believe unrequited love gives us the ability to fall in true love. When someone is sincerely in love, they care about the person deep down in their heart. It takes so much to do the little things that matter in someone's life and not care if its appreciated. Its even more unbelievable the fact that people do it effortlessly.


A shoulder to cry on. When someone is in love with someone else.. he'll wait for their call however long it takes. When she does call, crying, about how her boyfriend cheated on her.. he spends all night listening to her cry over the phone. Making snorting noises. He'll listen. Try his best to cheer her up and maybe get her favorite beverage the next morning. She wouldn't even suspect a thing.


Write a letter. When someone is in love with someone else... she'll write him a letter telling him about how much she misses him. Ask if everything is well in college, even if he is getting drunk every night and hooking up with random girls. Do something extremely out of her comfort zone. Pour her guts out while being extremely careful, of course. Maybe one day he'll read in between the lines.

Buy a gift. When someone is in love with someone else... he'll spend all day walking around the mall by himself. Remembering the random things she pointed at but couldnt afford. With the money he saved from his three months worth of lunch, he looks for something special. Something more thoughtful beyond a necklace. He'll give it to her the next day, hoping it won't end up in the back of her closet full of useless shit.


Daydream. When someone is in love with someone else.. they'll think about them. All the time. Hoping that where ever they are, 10000 miles away or 2 classrooms away, they're okay. Knowing that they might even be holding someone else's hand, kissing someone else's cheek, or riding in someone else's car... they're happy. They're happy that he or she is happy, even if it means not with them.

I had a pretty bad week last week, there's no point to bitch and moan about the insignificant events.





I don't like it when people make fun of my height. Go be a shallow bitch somewhere else cause its not wanted here.

When I'm depressed/angry/frustrated/bored/lost/content, I sleep. I go running when I'm feeling those things too.


"If i walk away and just let you leave
You'll be stuck in my head like a melody"
Usher ft. Lil Wayne/Beyonce - Love In This Club PartII

Track

When people are holding their boyfriends hand, hitting 130mph on the highway, juking 20 linebackers, hitting a high note, or falling 1000 ft from the sky, diving... they feel alive. For me, I feel alive on a track.

Before a race, I get jitters inside my stomach and butterflies like I'm about to ask someone special to dance. I try to shake it off by jumping around and doing some warm up sprints but the feeling remains. Seconds before my race is about to start, I feel my palms sweaty (like I'm Eminem). I take a deep breath like I'm about to commit suicide by jumping off a building.

The official running the track then says "Runners go ahead and set your blocks". I rush over, still with the nervous feeling inside my stomach, and grab the first block I see without thinking and slam it on my lane. I adjust my blocks the way my coach taught me.. thinking in my head, "2 palms 2 knuckles forward for my left leg, 1 palm 1 knuckle for my right... behind my left" I take 2 or 3 practice starts before the official says, "alright runners behind your blocks.. take your sweats off." I take off my sweats, shake the two people next to me's hands then take another deep breath. (Note: reminiscing my past races as I'm writing this.. makes me nervous even.)

"Runner's to your mark" This is when I go nuts and all my nerves are going insane and my body has no control of itself. Twitch every part of my body to make sure everything is still attached. I calmly get in my set position and close my eyes. My shoulder is flexing as my elbows are locked in place while keeping myself from falling forward as I'm leaning over the starting line. Deep breath, relax my neck and back. "SET!" My waist slides up in the air. My eyes open. Honing out all senses and sounds around me, waiting for the gun to fire. This is the moment when I just feel nothing in the world matters. All my worries are gone. I am content and ready for anything that hits me. "GO!" From this point on, my body is numb and everything I do is pure instinct and developed habit. I enter a whole new world and the tunnel of vision is focused on the finish line.

Nothing in the world could live up to this moment in my life.