When I'm depressed/angry/frustrated/bored/lost/content, I sleep. I go running when I'm feeling those things too.


"If i walk away and just let you leave
You'll be stuck in my head like a melody"
Usher ft. Lil Wayne/Beyonce - Love In This Club PartII

Track

When people are holding their boyfriends hand, hitting 130mph on the highway, juking 20 linebackers, hitting a high note, or falling 1000 ft from the sky, diving... they feel alive. For me, I feel alive on a track.

Before a race, I get jitters inside my stomach and butterflies like I'm about to ask someone special to dance. I try to shake it off by jumping around and doing some warm up sprints but the feeling remains. Seconds before my race is about to start, I feel my palms sweaty (like I'm Eminem). I take a deep breath like I'm about to commit suicide by jumping off a building.

The official running the track then says "Runners go ahead and set your blocks". I rush over, still with the nervous feeling inside my stomach, and grab the first block I see without thinking and slam it on my lane. I adjust my blocks the way my coach taught me.. thinking in my head, "2 palms 2 knuckles forward for my left leg, 1 palm 1 knuckle for my right... behind my left" I take 2 or 3 practice starts before the official says, "alright runners behind your blocks.. take your sweats off." I take off my sweats, shake the two people next to me's hands then take another deep breath. (Note: reminiscing my past races as I'm writing this.. makes me nervous even.)

"Runner's to your mark" This is when I go nuts and all my nerves are going insane and my body has no control of itself. Twitch every part of my body to make sure everything is still attached. I calmly get in my set position and close my eyes. My shoulder is flexing as my elbows are locked in place while keeping myself from falling forward as I'm leaning over the starting line. Deep breath, relax my neck and back. "SET!" My waist slides up in the air. My eyes open. Honing out all senses and sounds around me, waiting for the gun to fire. This is the moment when I just feel nothing in the world matters. All my worries are gone. I am content and ready for anything that hits me. "GO!" From this point on, my body is numb and everything I do is pure instinct and developed habit. I enter a whole new world and the tunnel of vision is focused on the finish line.

Nothing in the world could live up to this moment in my life.

"1 minute
I'm sleepin in a happy home
The next minute
I'm walkin out an open door
(and I'm) driving down the midway
Swerving the car
Tryna get myself together
hopin I don't cry
Want it to get better
But still it's gettin worst
Oh I never thought I'd ever feel this hurt

And now it's all I feel
It's all I feel
So I'm hopin like hell that it ain't for real
Said it's all I feel
It's all I feel
Wishing that it ain't
But I know that it is"

Ray J - "All I feel"

Story of My Life

One of my close friends was at my house the other day and received a phone call from his girlfriend, relatively new. I've known this friend for all of high school. I'm pretty familiar with his ways with girls but not with this particular relationship. To say the least, my friend found high school relationships to be overrated. With this attitude, I didn't really have any expectations for his new relationship. To my surprise, I discovered to find my friend in a whole new element. I have never seen this side of him. How much he cares for his significant other showed through his tone of voice. I never seen him so selfless when talking to another person. This moment inspired to me write this post on the subject of relationships.

I know this is going to sound pathetic on many levels but I feel comfortable with the truth. All of my life from as long as I've remembered, girls had been the epitome of happiness for me. My relationship status with my crush, girlfriend, or whatever determined my mood and spirit. Junior year, my interest in finding a perfect soul mate came to an halt. I guess after a pretty serious friendship/relationship brought me to reality or some would say "maturity".

Initially, I tried to go about my old ways but for some reason this time was different. I had lost my passion and drive. I didn't know what I was searching for anymore.

With this new mind set, I lost direction in my life. I didn't have a backbone to keep me going. Although my junior year was fun, it was a blur of recklessness. Then came senior year where I took a hold of things. I collected myself and became independent. I would say this is a huge step towards maturity and adulthood. I found goals and made progressive strides. This is what led to my passion for sprinting (track). With all these new components in my life, filled with goals and "happiness" I knew there was something missing.

From observation, a relationship is something everyone searches for. I look around campus and the world in general and I find relationships of different shapes and sizes. People I would never expect to have relationships on their mind are in one. Maybe its just a part of our primitive instincts.

So this brings me back to eavesdropping on my friends phone conversation. It reminded me of why relationships are so special. Although I am independent now, I hope there's someone special there for me


To me, having someone that'll lace fingers with me when I'm driving to get something at Safeway...
someone that'll stay up all night talking to me on the phone...
someone that'll watch transformers with me...
someone that'll listen to music with me in my car...
someone that'll get jamba juice with me on wednesday mornings...
someone that'll make stupid faces with me on the webcam...
someone that'll have pearl shooting wars with me...
someone that'll keep me company before school starts...
someone that'll watch a movie with me on my couch...
someone that'll pick me up when my car is not available for whatever reason...
someone that'll take a nap with me after school...
someone that'll kiss me on the cheek when I'm feeling down...
this is someone that'd make my life worth a million times more than what it is.

Can You Let Me Know

Lupe Fiasco - Can You Let Me Know
Featuring: Verbal (M-flo), Sarah Greene
My universe froze
Ain't a situation I chose
But it chose me
When I caught a glimpse
Of a beautiful just posin'
I know that all them rappers be talkin' about hoes and clother
But she ain't that type, ya see
Anyway I'm still froze like Megatron in cryogenic form
I need to get warm
She's my cue, I gotta transform
So I can come through with whatever she won't
She already flossed and glossed charmed like the four seas
Can't imagine what her closet will cost me
Yea, my brain spin with velocity
Thinkin' 'bout ways to get up
Wishing but I can't that I could be the man
So I just stand, wishin' I could ask her.

Can you let me know?
Baby can we get up together?
I like this, I'll treat you better
Don't waste no more time, Baby
Maybe we can go
Baby I'm down to do whatever
I don't really care it dosen't matter
Let's not waste no time
Maybe, let's go.