There's a million people in the world, the chances of me just getting a glance at someone and never seeing them again in my life is really probable. What I find crazy is when I get a glance at someone and somehow I meet them later down the line. Little miracles like this have happened. I can't believe it myself. Maybe some friends, significant others, best friends are just meant to be. I like that thought.

I'm still fly, I'm sky high

My blogs lately have been cupcake-y as fuck. I bet whoever reads it asks the same question I ask myself, whats getting at me? I spent a great amount of time thinking about this and the truth is....


I've been single for the past two years and that has got to be the longest time ever. It doesn't bother me because I wanted this, I wanted to prove to myself that I can be my own person and I don't need a girl to be happy.

What really does bother me though is when I watch all my friends with their girlfriends or boyfriends. Smiling at each other, holding hands, talking on the for phone hours (still feeling as if its not enough time), and ALL that cupcake shit.

Proving to myself that I can be happy single led me to learn something new about myself. I look at my friends with their significant others and I look at the guys that can get any girl they want. If I had to choose, I'd rather be with just one girl.

I could care less about bragging about all the girls I've slept with. Its just not me. I miss having that one person I can call at any hour of the night and just vent about how much I miss her. But missing the feeling isn't enough.

For me, to grab any girl and pretend like I have those kinds of feelings for her doesn't work. In a relationship, I don't think with my head... I think with my heart. My emotions are the catalysts of my decisions. It leads to good and bad but its sincere. The sincerity makes the what feels like a lot of effort in a fake relationship feel like nothing.

I've been looking but its not happening. Maybe I'm more careful and clear cut about what I'm looking for, I haven't met the right girl Maybe I'm not in the mental mindset for a relationship. Whatever it is, its killing me but I know that once I get over this feeling of being incomplete.. I'll find someone. That's usually how it works right?

(Revised from previous post for my transfer essay)

From my transitional summer from high school to college, I've learned something about life. Life is a lot like Poker, Texas Hold’em. Everyone is dealt a hand. Some people are dealt good hands, some bad, some just okay. The thing is that no matter what’s on the line, anyone can walk away with the winnings. The person that has to bluff his way through it the entire game to win still has a shot. Not saying that people should lie their way through life, if that's what you're thinking. Some people just don't understand the art of bluffing.

Bluffing is pretending you have something you don't or pretending you don't have something as good as you do. It’s not lying, it’s like flirting. The lie is mutual, everyone assumes you are lying. Bluffing also requires you to convince yourself that you know what your opponent has in his hand and whatever you have is always better. This takes skill. It requires you to sometimes even forget the rules of the game and take a risk.

Bluffing in life, you have to forget the rules sometimes and risk it by going all in. It is not a big deal to lose it all because leaving with half filled pockets and wondering what would have happened is a lot worse than leaving with empty pockets, knowing there is nothing you could have done but at least you tried. Personally, I'd rather walk away from a table with all or nothing. When I walk away with nothing, it would actually feel like I’m walking away with everything. I’m a superhero when I risk it all. No one can touch me because I am someone that has risked it all and not many people can say they have.

In the game of life, I feel I'm dealt a jack and ten of spades. On the flop there is the ace of spades, jack of hearts, and eight of diamonds. The possibility of me hitting a flush is still possible and I already have hit the jack. In order to have the best hand by the time all the cards are on the table, I'd say I have a good forty percent chance. Even if I don't have the winning hand by then, the pot can still be mine and that is all I need to know to live an exciting, adventurous, and fun life. Anything is possible. I live a life full of the risks I take, the winnings and the loss. People say life isn't about luck or the cards I am dealt. I say it is how I play my hand and just a little bit of luck.

David Rush - Shooting Star

After high school, life got pretty fuckin real for me. Back then I felt everyone around me was at the same point in their lives. We were young and didn't have to worry about growing up. Now things are starting to get a little more complicated. I watch as people, the same age, begin to drift apart from the stages in their lives. I'm not sure if this is as apparent to everyone else my age but its definitely daunting on me.

Its so easy to be living in the moment and have fun. Its so easy to fall into the vicious cycle that I dont want anything to be a part of. When I get to look back on college, I want to say... those were one of the best days of my life. At the same time, I know there will be fun times after college.

I want to experience ALL that life has to offer. High school was a rough road, but that stage in my life is over. As much as I miss it, gotta keep up with the times. As scary as it is to think about, I'm taking on college now. Life isn't as easy as they were where I was just going through the motions. I have to keep on top of my priorities, constantly remind myself where I'm at and where I'm trying to go. Never forgetting that the fun is more rewarding when I put in the hardwork.

i'm not a lazy person. don't stop and fuckin chill. Stay HUNGRY.

In the past month or two, ive written tons of blog posts and either gotten too tired or i would get sidetracked on what else i was doing. i love and miss writing. blogging is something important to me.

here it goes.

somethings, if not everything, you wish for just dont come true.

everytime a shooting star or another birthday passes me and i get to blow out candles, i make a wish. its not habit that has driven me but me and my hopeful thinking that a wish will come true. as much as i want to continue to believe this... wishes just dont come true. nothing has shown me otherwise.

i hate sounding like a downer or a "negative nancy" but the truth is our lives are a product not of what we have dreamt of. almost everyday of my life... i pictured myself happier. yet i feel this very mindset is why im here today. without this disappointing dynamic in life, i would lack the drive.

i was convinced that happiness is where you dream to be. false, happiness is reality. the only reason why you cant dream of what is in store for you in the future is because it's not something you can create with just your mind. reality is created by everything that is you. just yourself.

You spend your whole life thinking the grass is greener on the other side. When youre young, you cant wait to get older and experience what life has to offer. The older you get, the younger you want to be. When it comes to time, you always want to be somewhere youre not... I say enjoy the moment while it last. Very few of us live in present tense but the times where we are completely here, at this point in time, we're fuckin happy.

Sophomore year... lezzz do it

its fuckin 3:22am and i'm still up. i tried laying in bed... didn't work. just to be straight, when you got a girl on your mind its hard to sleep. girl gtfo my head so i can get some rest for my eyes!

on a side note:



I don't know how many girls in the world wore a pair of sneakers... nikes or chucks or whatever it may be to prom but for those who did, you are sexy. haha you can call it a fuckin fetish or whatever you want but a girl in a dress with a pair of sneakers rocks any nurse or secretary costume any day. nothing puts a smile on my face more than when i see pictures from prom with shawty rockin them sneakers. you are awesome.

There's a lot of things I would enjoy bloggin about at this moment but I'll rain check it for you guys since I just gotta say one thing.

Something about this moment in time, right now, for me that I'm really liking. I'm content and happy with my life. Its a time in my life I don't want to end but like they say about when you hit rock bottom... there's only way to go, up. For me... I've skyrocketed and you know how it is, you can only shoot up for so long before you start falling back down again.

So here's a post for right now. In future times of wack ass shit and bad times, I'll look back and read this post and remember that these are moments I live for. If it weren't for the bad times, the good times wouldn't feel this good. Thanks for all of this, I appreciate every single detail.

Back To Basics

Relationships are tricky. When you're young and don't know jack shit, you unconditionally love aimlessly. Ridiculous as it sounds. The funny part though is that you somehow, without changing a single pattern for what you do, land yourself into a relationship. Lucky? I don't think so. That's just how its done.

I wouldn't say I'm old or that experienced with relationships but I've had my fair share. The older I got, the worse it got or it just seems more complicated. I have these tendencies to figure out and do things I should be doing. Like a robot lover or some shit. Pretty pathetic, I already know.

With these new habits, I kept putting myself in situations I didn't want to be in. I felt more lost than I did for my first crush. Its not a fun place to be. Then I asked other people for advice. "What the FUCK am I doing wrong?" "Is this fucking natural?" (That's what she said.) "OMFG! I'm dying alone."

Then I asked a really close friend of mine that gave me the best advice in the world. "It shouldn't be this hard. Everything should feel natural." Those two sentences clicked every piece of shit scatter puzzle piece in my brain together right there and then. Instead of being fucking mature and learning from everything I've been through, I should just not think too much about it and let my four chamber organ take the reigns.

Thanks for the advice, Big Rich. Good luck to me errr one.

My brother's girlfriend was part of the Cherry Blossom Festival in San Francisco a few weeks back. Cherry Blossom Festival is this competition between girls that compete to be the queen, which is basically a really cool Japanese-American girl. Its like an Asian Miss America thing.

After watching my brother's girlfriend on stage, we decided to go to this really good sushi restaurant down the street. It was an awesome meal. One of the best quality sushi I've ever had. It better be though because it was so fucking expensive. A roll was between $15-20/each, and we had like at least 10x plus beverages.

As I'm sitting on the toilet that night, I got up and looked down. There goes at least $100.