My blogs lately have been cupcake-y as fuck. I bet whoever reads it asks the same question I ask myself, whats getting at me? I spent a great amount of time thinking about this and the truth is....
I've been single for the past two years and that has got to be the longest time ever. It doesn't bother me because I wanted this, I wanted to prove to myself that I can be my own person and I don't need a girl to be happy.
What really does bother me though is when I watch all my friends with their girlfriends or boyfriends. Smiling at each other, holding hands, talking on the for phone hours (still feeling as if its not enough time), and ALL that cupcake shit.
Proving to myself that I can be happy single led me to learn something new about myself. I look at my friends with their significant others and I look at the guys that can get any girl they want. If I had to choose, I'd rather be with just one girl.
I could care less about bragging about all the girls I've slept with. Its just not me. I miss having that one person I can call at any hour of the night and just vent about how much I miss her. But missing the feeling isn't enough.
For me, to grab any girl and pretend like I have those kinds of feelings for her doesn't work. In a relationship, I don't think with my head... I think with my heart. My emotions are the catalysts of my decisions. It leads to good and bad but its sincere. The sincerity makes the what feels like a lot of effort in a fake relationship feel like nothing.
I've been looking but its not happening. Maybe I'm more careful and clear cut about what I'm looking for, I haven't met the right girl Maybe I'm not in the mental mindset for a relationship. Whatever it is, its killing me but I know that once I get over this feeling of being incomplete.. I'll find someone. That's usually how it works right?
1 comment:
people like you are good in life! don't stop thinking with your heart, don't think with your peepee or your eyeballs like so many other shitheads do haha. (:
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