Cross Country

Although I had been pretty disconnected from Cross Country because of track and Payne and all the drama that resides with the team... I must say.. it really made a difference in my life. More than half the friendships I had made from XC, I will take with me for the rest of my life.

This summer when I got the chance to see the familiar faces from my sophomore and junior year in XC, I felt this pressure below my throat and above my chest. I didn't know what this was until I realized it was the feeling of missing something. I miss XC. My favorite part about summer is that everyone from XC is back and I get to see them.. I wish I had done more of that, raincheck next summer.

Sorry Pooja for not listening to you my senior year and staying with XC. Thanks Tim Mok for convincing me to come out my sophomore year. Thanks to everyone else that shared a smile with me... sweaty, wearing ugly purple clothes at the end of a race.

From my transitional summer from high school to college, I've learned something about life. Life is a lot like Poker (Texas Hold'em if you wanna get technical). Everyone is dealt a hand. Some people are dealt good hands, some bad, some just okay. The thing is, no matter how big the pot (whatever you're playing for), anyone can walk away with the winnings. The person who has to bluff his way through it all to win, still has a shot at winning. Not saying that people should lie their way through life, if that's what you're thinking. Some people just don't understand the art of bluffing.

Bluffing is pretending you have something you don't or pretending you don't have something as good as you do. Its not lying, its like flirting. The lie is mutual, everyone assumes you're lying. Bluffing also requires you to convince yourself that you know what your opponent has and whatever you have is always better. This takes skill. It requires you to sometimes even forget the rules of the game.

Bluffing in life, you HAVE to forget the rules sometimes... and just let it all hang out. You gotta take a risk and go all in. Lets say someone with a better hand calls you out on it... you lose everything. *tear Leaving with half filled pockets and wondering what would have happened is a lot worse than leaving with empty pockets and knowing there's nothing you could've have done but you tried. Personally, I'd rather walk away from a table with all or nothing. When you walk away with nothing, it'd actually feel like you're walking away with everything. You're a superhero. No one can touch you because you're someone's thats risked it all.. and not many people can say they have.

In the game of life, I feel I'm dealt a Jack and 10 of spades. On the flop... Ace of spades, Jack of hearts, and 8 of diamonds. The possibility of me hitting a flush is still possible, I hit the jack. To win legitly.. I'd say I have a good 40% chance. Even if I don't have the winning hand by the time the river comes out, the pot can be still mine and thats all I need to know to live an exciting, adventurous, and fun life. Anything is possible. People say life isn't about luck or the cards you're dealt, but I say its how you play your hand and just a little bit of luck. :)

The end, the beginning...

So high school is over. Everyone tries their best to think about all the good times but inevitably, you think about what you regret. The biggest thing I regret about high school is that I was a big pussy. The one thing that didn't allow me to make the best of my time in high school is the fact that I was too scared to take what I want.

I was too scared at races, so I choked all the time. I was too scared to go for wrestling/football, "I'm too small to play so I'll just play hockey cause I can at least skate", I was too scared to take Art 1 as a freshmen cause I mightve gotten a B in an elective and took it senior year instead... surprise surprise.. i shoulda been in art4 by now, I was too scared of what people thought of me, i was too scared of everything and it held me back from being who I am. I try to be loud and confident to hide away my lack of self-confidence.

Here's my chance to be myself and take on life balls out. I quit track, I'm done with high school.

Raw.

Graduation: Up and Coming

We are about to experience the whole world and what it has to offer. A world beyond Monta Vista. What we take with us on the journey that lies ahead is our experiences and memories we shared. The challenge we have yet to face is making a world out of the new world we step into and the world we step out of.

So my parents bought a new house in Los Gatos and we don't get to move in till july since the people that own it dont leave till then but my apartment contract is up in june due to my parent's excellent planning. rofl. anyway I have to live with my brother from now till then.

Moving into my brothers place i had to bring my turtle with me. I hadn't seen my turtle in so long cause we kept it in such a very discrete place in my apartment that I completely forgot I even have a turtle It's sitting next to me here in the living room right now.

After forgetting about my turtle for a while I realized that since I'm graduating soon... there are a few of my friends, like my turtle, that I forgot about. This year, being senior year and all, I made a conscious effort to try and talk to these people but I can't. Our conversations remain at a mere shallow level of intimacy. Its so sad because these are the people I grew up with and grew to love so much. I guess its because of my immature ways in the past that imprinted a bad impression of myself in their minds. If I hadn't worried about what others thought of me and enjoyed my time spent with my friends, then things maybe would have turned out differently.

I wish that maybe one day they'll forgive and maybe forget someday. What I hope for the most is that I'll get an opportunity in the future to rekindle these irreplaceable relationships.

Till then... college is my new opportunity to start over new and not make the same mistakes I had made in my past.

Unrequited Love

Unrequited (Adj) - Not returned or reciprocated

Some say "the worst kind of love is unrequited love", I disagree. I believe unrequited love gives us the ability to fall in true love. When someone is sincerely in love, they care about the person deep down in their heart. It takes so much to do the little things that matter in someone's life and not care if its appreciated. Its even more unbelievable the fact that people do it effortlessly.


A shoulder to cry on. When someone is in love with someone else.. he'll wait for their call however long it takes. When she does call, crying, about how her boyfriend cheated on her.. he spends all night listening to her cry over the phone. Making snorting noises. He'll listen. Try his best to cheer her up and maybe get her favorite beverage the next morning. She wouldn't even suspect a thing.


Write a letter. When someone is in love with someone else... she'll write him a letter telling him about how much she misses him. Ask if everything is well in college, even if he is getting drunk every night and hooking up with random girls. Do something extremely out of her comfort zone. Pour her guts out while being extremely careful, of course. Maybe one day he'll read in between the lines.

Buy a gift. When someone is in love with someone else... he'll spend all day walking around the mall by himself. Remembering the random things she pointed at but couldnt afford. With the money he saved from his three months worth of lunch, he looks for something special. Something more thoughtful beyond a necklace. He'll give it to her the next day, hoping it won't end up in the back of her closet full of useless shit.


Daydream. When someone is in love with someone else.. they'll think about them. All the time. Hoping that where ever they are, 10000 miles away or 2 classrooms away, they're okay. Knowing that they might even be holding someone else's hand, kissing someone else's cheek, or riding in someone else's car... they're happy. They're happy that he or she is happy, even if it means not with them.

I had a pretty bad week last week, there's no point to bitch and moan about the insignificant events.





I don't like it when people make fun of my height. Go be a shallow bitch somewhere else cause its not wanted here.